Thanksgiving Aftermath: Banish the Bloat

29 Nov

So, Thanksgiving. That happened.

As wonderful as it is to enjoy laughter with loved ones, a huge freaking meal, and a night on the couch watching football while polishing off the wine and picking at leftovers, the aftermath is never pretty. I know that a lot of you wake up in a state of utter panic, sprint to the scale, panic some more over the inevitable weight gain and then wildly scribble out your diet while mind raping yourself over your lack of self control, but listen:


First of all, it’s basically impossible to gain fat weight overnight. You’re seeing weight from bloat. You have not in fact woken up as the Michelin man, you’re just as bloated as a water balloon. Whatevs.

While feeling bloated and gassy has never been my idea of a good time, a combination of metabolism-boosting tactics and smart eating tricks will have your stomach back to normal in no time.


Rule #1. Do NOT crash diet-slash-not eat to “compensate.”

Bad idea. Really. Unless you want your metabolism to come to a screeching halt, in which case, go to town starving yourself.

Rule #2. Eat your brekkie.

Do not even think about skipping breakfast, even if you don’t feel like eating. Balance protein with something high in insoluble fiber. Breakfast gets your metabolism going, fiber will help you poop. True fact.

Not sure what to make? These high protein pancakes are light, high in protein, and contain both fiber and potassium (more on that in a minute). Skip the syrup and top them with berries or a little almond butter or coconut oil.

Rule #3. Keep eating, slowly.

Seriously. 6 small meals will rev your metabolism, shaking it out of it’s nasty sluggish state (but eat slowly- eating quickly causes you to swallow air, swallowed air = bloat). Choose lean protein sans salt, leafy greens, healthy carbs if you must.

Some tips on this:

Eat de-bloating foods, like melon, asparagus, green or mint tea, spices like ginger and cinnamon. Potassium helps flush excess sodium, so a banana is a better choice than you might think – quinoa is another good choice.

Choose your carbs wisely. I am, in general, a regular consumer of healthy carbs. However, when I’m trying to de-bloat (after, say, Thanksgiving) I usually keep them to a minimum for a day. At very least, skip the processed carbs.

Rule #4. But don’t eat this stuff:

Alcohol, artificial sweeteners, sugar, salt, carbonation,  dairy and/or simple carbs. All of these will add to your already yucky bloated feeling.    

Rule #5 Drink water like your life depends on it.

No less than the required 8 cups, but drink as much as you can (I mean, within reason). Lemon is a natural diuretic so slice one of those little suckers up and add it to your h2o.

Rule #6. Go sweat.

Instead of sitting on the couch moping, get your you-know-what to the gym, the Pilates studio, pavement, whatever. A HIIT workout on the treadmill or elliptical can be finished in 30 minutes flat will get the metabolism going for the entire day, but hey, any sweat is awesome.

Rule #7 Skip the gum, chew on fennel seeds

Gum bloats. Fennel seeds de-bloat and leave your breath fresh, too.

Rule #8 Ditch the guilt.

Read my lips: one day of over-indulgence is not going to affect your waistline permanently. Guilt, however, leads to binge eating (aka, eating your emotions) and all that crappy stuff that can become a terrible cycle which will affect your waistline and your mental health. So accept the fact that the entire country eats like someone is going to cut off the food supply on Thanksgiving and get on with your life.

You do not have to go on a diet over one day. Quit that train of thought like, immediately.

Rule #7 Ditch your leftovers, too.

Find a homeless person, make a plate for your sweet elderly neighbor, give your skinny ass friend with the huge appetite and ridick metabolism (yeah, we all have one of those) a big plate of your leftover cornbread and spicy sausage stuffing. That way you won’t be tempted to keep eating leftovers just because “they’re there.” And lets be honest: they’re really not that great the next day anyhow.

Hope you turkeys all had the most wonderful Thanksgiving, ever.




One Response to “Thanksgiving Aftermath: Banish the Bloat”

  1. Layla December 1, 2013 at 12:22 am #

    amazing, love the tips!

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